For $1,000, any US citizen can be the next US President

CHICAGO: Dissatisfied citizens of the US, who will vote to elect their President, now have a choice to vote any one among them.

For $1,000, any US citizen can be the next US President. Groupon is stepping up to give one person the tools to become the next leader of the free world.

Starting today, Groupon is partnering with the world’s greatest campaign manager, Jym Seger, to offer one unit of his patented Campaign in a Can. The run-it-yourself kit has everything a presidential candidate needs for a successful campaign, including a power tie, jokes for the stump, “Me for President” buttons and stickers and a model baby to practice the perfect photo op.

“You don’t have to be a billionaire or hail from a political dynasty to run for President,” said Seger. “As someone who’s helped elect presidents, kings, queens, popes and student council members, I know everything that you need to know about how to run the country—into the ground or otherwise. With my guidance, and Can, a future in politics can be your future.”

The contents of the Campaign in a Can include:
•    One power tie (reusable) designed to make you look bigger and more powerful than the other candidates
•    Me for President lapel pins and bumper stickers
•    Realistic baby for practicing a non-awkward Infant Lift-‘n’-Kiss
•    Classic jokes to use on the campaign trail, such as “Where I come from, a pork barrel is something completely different” and “I knew Dan Quayle. You, sir, are kind of like Dan Quayle.”
•    VHS copy of Election featuring Matthew Broderick
•    A copy of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to US Government and Politics
•    Antacids to balance state-fair foods like chocolate-covered bacon on a stick and fried ice cream burgers
•    Straw hat to wear while channelling the persuasive charm of The Music Man’s Harold Hill
•    Signed photo of Jym Seger

To watch a short message from Jym on why his campaign can could make you the next president of the United States, please visit.

In addition to the Campaign in a Can, Groupon also has several deals on Americana and presidential swag, including:
•    Presidential Pez Dispensers - Giving an entirely new meaning to the term government handout–1.74oz of candy to be exact Pez aficionados can choose from four different collections that each feature five former US Presidents
•    Political Party T-Shirts - Members of any party can enjoy these politically themed screen print T-shirts; materials include: Republican Party: 50 percent cotton, 50 percent polyester; all other options: 100% cotton

Who qualifies?
Purchaser must be at least 35 years old,
Natural born United States citizen and current resident of the United States for at least 14 years
Former presidents Bill Clinton and George W Bush and President Barack Obama are ineligible due to the 22nd Amendment to the US Constitution.

Priority probs?
$18 trillion in debt and other large messes to fix!